Homesick in the Middle of May

It's raining outside, and I feel like raining too. I'm so homesick that I didn't even want to got up from the bed this morning, knowing that my dad would come home alone without me this night it's really depressing. This time would be my priority time to get some warmth and homy environment, yet for another week, I get stuck in this prison that I even decorated with so many stuff I brought from my home, filled with all the technology that I need, for the used of only myself without ever having to share it or yield it for anyone.
People probably will think that I need friends to accompany me when the afternoon darken to night, but I always wants to be alone in that time. I 'don't want to be disturbed, except that the disturbing sound come from the voice of my sister that needs me to listen to her stories about school and her friends or the voice of my brother tell me to listen a new song that he get, and finally made it to do it with his guitar. It usually got me insane...but now, I just miss it. I just feel so angry, got stuck in a very wrong time. It's screwing my mind, man !
I, once again feel dissapointed for the things that's not even that worse. Why do I keep messing up myself with shitty stuff ?! When did I became this horrible person, so ambitious without a good effort ?! I want to be serene, let it go all the things that buggin'me knowing that someday or even the next day, I will fix things up for myself, and that God will never push me to the cliff without offer me a hand in the end of the edge...I want to ! But, strangely, it feel so difficult to accept, to believe...that's everything is gonna be OK bcuz I'm trying my best, and when people do his best, their somehow get the best achievement their could get. Geezzz....I feel like an idiot !
Yeah well, life will get harder along with the each numbers' changing in your age. I just gotta go compromize and calm down my mind...gotta try to accept and let it go...and believe that God will take care the rest...